Forty Ways To Scare a Ninja
by NoCareChakara
Summary: ...the title says it all... MAJOR OOC, PURE CRACK. The authoress is terrible when it comes to deadlines
1. 40 Ways to Scare Hatake Kakashi

**FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA:**

**This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Hatake Kakashi**

**1)** **Glomp him**

**E.G: **Me: OMFG! IT'S KAKASHI!

Kakashi: …oh shit…

Me: (glomps him)

Kakashi: HOLY MOLY!

**2)** **Call him cute.**

**E.G:** Me: OMG KAKASHI!

Kakashi: NOT YOU AGAIN! (cowers behind a couch)

Me: YOU'RE SO CUTE X3

Kakashi: ARGH!

**3)** **Call him fuzzy.**

**E.G:** Me: OMG KAKASHI!

Kakashi: LEAVE ME ALONE DAMN IT! (shakes fist)

Me: YOU'RE SO FUZZY X3

Kakashi: GET AWAY FROM ME!

**4)** **Call him cute AND fuzzy.**

**E.G:** Me: OH KAKASHI-KUN X3

Kakashi: NARUTO! HIDE ME! (clings to Naruto for dear life)

Naruto: GET OFF ME!

Me: KAKASHI! YOU'RE SO CUTE AND FUZZY! X3

Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)

Naruto: …

**5) Black mail him.**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (types up stuff on the computer)

Kakashi: (still hiding with Naruto) can I use your computer?

Naruto: Sure, Why?

Kakashi: I want to check my email.

Naruto: Ok.

Kakashi: (opens email account and finds an unknown email) Huh? (opens it and reads it)

Email: _I know where you live Hatake Kakashi, I know what you got under your mask…_

Kakashi: HOLY CRAP!

**6) Snuggle up next to him he's asleep.**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (slips into Kakashi's bed)

Kakashi: (hours later) Yawn. (turns over) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**7) Sell his underwear to a crazed fan girl.**

**E.G: **Kakashi: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FRIGGIN UNDERWEAR!

Me: (at auction) SOLD! For 1,000 grand to the crazed fan girl!

Crazed fan girl: YES! I HAVE KAKASHI'S UNDERWEAR! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! (maniacal laughter)

Me: … (sweat drop)

**8) Say that Jiraiya isn't making more Icha Icha books.**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! ICHA ICHA PARADISE! (sniffs sadly)

Kakashi: GET AWAY FROM ME!

Me: Too bad Jiraiya-sama isn't making more…

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**9) Tell him that Jiraiya died in a terrible fire and all his books went with him.**

**E.G:** Me: Did you hear what happened to Jiraiya?

Kakashi: No, now SCRAM!

Me: He died in a terrible fire.

Kakashi: WHY SHOULD I CARE!

Me: His books went with him

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**10) Feed his Icha Icha book to a fishy.**

**E.G: **Kakashi: WHERE'S MY ICHA ICHA PARADISE BOOK!

Me: (whistles out to Kakashi holding book) YOU WHO! KAKASHI, LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT! (waves book)

Kakashi: GIVE IT! (visible eyes burns with anger)

Me: …NOPE! (throws it into a pond where fishies eat it)

Kakashi: YOU EVIL, EVIL DEMON!

**11) Tell him he's gonna die in seven days.**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (dials Kakashi's phone number)

Kakashi: (phone rings) (picks it up) Hello?

Me: (in raspy voice) _You're gonna die in SEVEN days…_

Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)

'The Ring': …

Me: …

**12) Shred his Icha Icha Paradise book in front of him**

**E.G:** Me: (whistles to Kakashi) HEY! KAKASHI-KUN, I GOT YOUR BOOK!

Kakashi: GIVE IT BACK! I'LL DO ANYTHING!

Me: …NA! (puts book in the shredder)

Kakashi: (faints)

Me: …wuss…

**13) Lock him in a room with Gai**

**E.G: **Me: GAI! OMG! THERE IS A FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH IN THAT CLOSET! (points to closet)

Kakashi: …no one's that-

Gai: YES! THANK YOU OH YOUTHFUL ONE! I SHALL DRINK IT RIGHT AWAY!

Me: Why leave Kakashi out? It'll make me sad (makes puppy dog eyes)

Gai: ANYTHING FOR YOU! (grabs Kakashi)

Kakashi: ARGH! PUT ME DOWN!

Gai: (runs into closet)

Me: (locks the door) OPS! IT WAS IN THE OTHER CLOSET! SORRY GAI!

Gai: NO PROBLEM! X3

Kakashi: LET ME OUT! I DON'T WANT TO DIE WITH HIM!

Me: tee, he, he.

**14) Lock him in a room with the crazed fan girl from # 7**

**E.G: **Crazed fan girl: I WANT TO SEE MY KAKASHI! 0.-

Me: I know where he's hiding…

Crazed fan girl: (nabs my shirt) TELL…ME…

Me: (points to closet)

Kakashi: (from closet) TRAITOR!

Crazed fan girl: KAKASHI! (bursts into the closet and glomps Kakashi)

Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)

Me: …(locks door)

Kakashi: SO CRUEL! TTTT

**15) Set his underwear on fire**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (takes out lighter)

Kakashi: (sitting on bench reading book)

Me: (lights his pants)

Kakashi: (sniffs) What's cookin'?

Me: …your underwear…

Kakashi: ARGH! (runs around in circles with his bum on fire)

**16) Make him wear a dress, take a picture of it and send it to everyone in the world**

**E.G: **Me: TRY THIS ON (holds up a red dress)

Kakashi: …no

Me: PLEASE! (makes puppy dog eyes)

Kakashi: NO! I MUST RESIST THE EVIL PUPPY DOG EYES! (fails and nabs dress from me)

Me: YEY X3

Kakashi: grumble, grumble (fume, fume)

Me: (takes out camera)

Kakashi: (comes out wearing red dress)

Me: (takes picture) BWAHAHAHA!

Kakashi: NO!

Me: (shows the world)

The world: (erupts with laughter)

Kakashi: (faints)

Me: …wuss…

**17) Introduce him to your cheek pinching nanny x3**

**E.G: **Me: NANNY!

Nanny: yes dear?

Me: meet Kakashi X3

Kakashi: …yo…

Nanny: WHAT A CUTE LITTLE BOY!

Kakashi: …(inside head: NOT A LITTLE BOY DAMN IT!)

Nanny: OH! I COULD JUST EAT YOU UP! (pinches his cheeks…hard)

Kakashi: ARGH!

**18) Hypnotize Gai to fall in love with him**

**E.G: **Me: (swinging watch from side to side) You are getting sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

Gai: (snores)

Me: when I snap my fingers, you will awaken and will be madly in love with Hatake Kakashi… (snaps fingers)

Gai: OMG! WHERE'S MY KAKASHI?

Kakashi: (who was hiding there the whole time) (screams like a little girl)

**19) Ask Anko to eat all his favorite cheese x3**

**E.G: **Me: Anko?

Anko: yea

Me: can you eat all of Kakashi's favorite cheese?

Anko: what's in it for me?

Me: free cheese

Anko: GIMME! (runs to Kakashi's house and eats the cheese)

Kakashi: (finds Anko eating all his favorite cheese) WTF! NO! MY PRECIOUS CHEESE! (cries) TT.TT

**20) Unleash 100 fan girls on him**

**E.G: **Me: (has 100 fan girls on leashes and finds Kakashi) (grins evilly)

Kakashi: Um…ok, breathe in…and breathe out…

Me: BWAHAHAHAHA! (unleashes fan girls on him)

Kakashi: (screams like a little girl and runs for his life)

**21) Ask Lee's squirrels to attack him**

**E.G: **Me: Lee, I hear Kakashi hates squirrels…

Lee: NO! HE SHALL PAY! (eye twitches and orders fluffy squirrels to attack Kakashi)

Kakashi: ARGH! SQUIRRELS ARE ATTACKING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**22) Give him a pet squirrel after the incident**

**E.G: **Me: (visits Kakashi in hospital) HIYA!

Kakashi: …just kill me now…

Me: I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU! X3

Kakashi: …joy…

Me: (holds up cage with fluffy squirrel in it) I CALL HIM SQUEAKERS!

Squeakers: (hisses and foams at the mouth)

Kakashi: ARGH!

**23) Dress as a clown for Halloween**

**E.G: **Me: (buys a clown costume) (ring on Kakashi's door bell

Kakashi: (opens the door) (shrieks) (faints)

Me: …wuss…

**24) Send him pictures of his mum in a bikini (pure evil)**

**E.G: **Me: Jiraiya?

Jiraiya: yea?

Me: take pictures of Kakashi's mum in a bikini and send it to him would ya.

Jiraiya: …what do I get out of this?

Me: to peek at women without getting in trouble

Jiraiya: I'M IN! (does as he's told and does extra peeking) (emails pictures to Kakashi)

Kakashi: (opens email from Jiraiya) ARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES!

**25) Tell him his house is haunted**

**E.G: **Me: Kakashi?

Kakashi: FUCK OFF!

Me: you do know your house is haunted, right?

Kakashi: …(shivers)…haunted?

Me: YEP! THERE'S A GHOST IN THE CLOSET X3

Kakashi: (gulps and opens the closet) (scary face pops out at him) (faints)

Me: …

**26) Tell him zombies are attacking and they already ate Pakkun**

**E.G: **Me: OMFG! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Kakashi: WHAT NOW!

Me: ZOMBIES ARE ATTACKING KONOHA! THEY ALREADY ATE PAKKUN!

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**27) Introduce him to your mental uncle**

**E.G: **Me: UNCLE X3

Uncle: (twitches from craziness) yes… (twitches again)

Kakashi: (sweat drops and backs away)

Me: meet Kakashi X3

Uncle: ARGH! (attacks Kakashi for unknown reason)

Kakashi: (screams like a girl)

**28) Give his phone number away to every fan girl alive**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (opens up a booth) HERE YE, HERE YE! GET KAKASHI'S PHONE NUMBER HERE! BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!

Fan girls: OMFG! (buys a phone number)

Kakashi: (sitting at home and phone rings) Hello?

A weird fan girl: OMFG! THIS IS KAKASHI! HOLY SHIT! MARRY ME!

Kakashi: (slams the phone down) (rings again)

A weirder fan girl: HOLY FUCK! MARRY ME AND HAVE MY CHILDREN!

Kakashi: (slams the phone down and throws the phone out the window)

**29) Tell Naruto he's made of ramen**

**E.G: **Me: Naruto! GUESS WHAT X3

Naruto: …YOU AGAIN!

Me: DID YOU KNOW THAT KAKASHI IS MADE OF RAMEN?

Naruto: …YEY! (goes off to find Kakashi) (finds him and bites him with craziness in his eyes)

Kakashi: HOLY MOLY! NARUTO! GET OFF ME!

**30) Tell Sakura he's Sasuke in disguise**

**E.G: **Me: SAKURA-CHAN X3

Sakura: HEY X3

Me: I know something you don't X3

Sakura: TELL ME X3

Me: KAKASHI-SENSEI IS SASUKE IN DISGUISE!

Sakura: REALLY! OMG! (glomps Kakashi)

Kakashi: (shrieks like a little girl)

**31) Tell Sasuke that he's Itachi**

**E.G:** Sasuke: …so, you're saying that my sensei was just Itachi in disguise?

Me: (nods)

Sasuke: …LET ME AT THE BASTARD! (runs off to find Kakashi with anger in his eyes)

Kakashi: (is being attacked by Sasuke) ARGH! BREATHE DAMN IT! BREATHE YOU CRAZY NUT JOB!

**32) Brush his hair**

**E.G:** Me: Can I touch your hair?

Kakashi: no

Me: Yes

Kakashi: no

Me: yes

Kakashi: no

Me: FINE! I'LL BRUSH IT! (pulls out hair brush and begins brushing it)

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**33) Ask Neji to eat all his chocolate**

**E.G:** Me: Neji-kun?

Neji: … (translation: HI X3)

Me: Can you eat all of Kakashi's chocolate for me?

Neji: …(translation: YEY! FREE CHOCOLATE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)

Me: FETCH!

Neji: …(translation: THANKIEZ X3) (goes to Kakashi's fridge and eats chocolate)

Kakashi: (sees Neji eating his chocolate) (faints)

**34) Feed his book to fan girls**

**E.G:** Me: (whistles loudly) HEY! FAN GIRLS!

Fan girls: (turn to me)

Me: (waves Kakashi's book in the air) ITS FEEDING TIME!

Fan girls: GIMME! (attack each other as me tosses the book to them)

Kakashi: (mourns his poor book) TT.TT

**35) Tell Choji he's made of meat**

**E.G:** Choji: GIMME MEAT!

Me: Kakashi is made of meat.

Choji: GIMME MEAT!

Me: (gives Kakashi to Choji)

Kakashi: ARGH!

**36) Ask Tenten to eat all his ice cream**

**E.G: **Gai: TENTEN! NEVER EAT ICE CREAM AGAIN!

Tenten: WAH! TToTT

Me: Tenten? TT.TT

Tenten: yea…(sniffles)

Me: You can eat Kakashi's ice cream…

Tenten: YES! (eats Kakashi's ice cream)

Kakashi: SCREW YOU! (attacks Tenten)

Tenten: EEEEEEEEEEEP! (tosses Ice cream at him)

Kakashi: ARGH!

**37) Pull his mask down in public**

**E.G:** Me: (pulls down Kakashi's mask in public)

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fan girls: (begin drooling and glomp him)

Me: …I should join you… (is talking about fan girls)

**38) Tell Ino that he's made of cheesecake**

**E.G:** Me: (sparring with Ino) HEY INO!

Ino: WHAT!

Me: I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS…(insert heart here)

Ino: NO!

Me: And Kakashi is made of it…

Ino: …KAKASHI-SENSEI IS MADE OF CHEESECAKE?

Me: (nods)

Ino: (squeals and attacks Kakashi)

Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)

**39) Take all his underwear and sell it on eBay**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (takes Kakashi's underwear and sells it on eBay)

Kakashi: why is my underwear on eBay?

**40) All of the above**

**E.G:** …

Me: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY TORTURE X3

Kakashi: …evil…YOU EVIL WOMAN!

Me: (grins happily) I KNOW X3

**BTW: NoCareChakara Me**


	2. 40 Ways to Scare Uchiha Sasuke

**FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA**

**This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Uchiha Sasuke**

**1) Sell his underwear on eBay**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (takes Sasuke's underwear) OH! PENGUIN UNDIES! X3 (sells underwear on eBay)

Sasuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY PENGUIN UNDIES! TT.TT

**2) Glomp him**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! UCHIHA SASUKE! X3

Sasuke: …not more fan girls…

Me: (glomps him)

Sasuke: O.o (is glomped) YIPE!

**3) Call him a duck butt emo (thankiez 'The Goddess of the Madhouse')**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! IT'S DUCK BUTT EMO!

Sasuke: …what?

**4) Call him emo**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! IT'S UCHIHA EMO!

Sasuke: ARGH! GHOSTS OF MY COUSINS ARE HAUNTING ME!

Me: You have a cousin called emo?

Sasuke: YEP X3

Me: …

**5) Do the chicken dance on his head**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (puts on dancing shoes)

Sasuke: (is humming to himself)

Me: (pounces on his head)

Sasuke: WHAT THE-

Me: (starts dancing like a chicken on his head)

Sasuke: ARGH!

**6) Throw him in a pile of fan girls**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (sneaks up behind Sasuke)

Sasuke: (whistling to self)

Me: NYA! (nabbs Sasuke)

Sasuke: O.o

Me: (holds him up in front of fan girls)

Sasuke: have mercy TT.TT

Me: >:3 (tosses Sasuke in)

Sasuke: ARGH!

**7) Sell him to a crazy fan girl**

**E.G: **Me: (ties up Sasuke and drags him to auction building) HERE YE, HERE YE, BUY THE UCHIHA SASUKE HERE!

Fan Girls: (squeal in delight and rush over to booth)

Me: I hear 5,000 grand...10,000 grand...10 million! YES! Sold to the rich bit- I mean,rich...fan... (hands Sasuke over to fan girl and gets money)

Rich Bit...fan: YOUR MINE UCHIHA SASUKE! (maniacal laughter)

Sasuke: (shreiks like a little girl) SAVE ME!

Me: I'M RICH, I'M RICH X3

**8) Tell him Kakashi sensei has thick lips**

**E.G:** Me: I'VE SEEN KAKASHI'S FACE! X3

Sasuke: REALLY!

Me: yep...he's got...

Sasuke: (listens intently)

Me: THICK LIPS!

Sasuke: (imagines Kakashi with thick lips from episode 101) ARGH! (faints)

Me: ...sissy...

**9) Dress up as his mum for haloween**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (buys a Sasuke's mum outfit) (wears it) (goes to Uchiha mansion) (rings door bell)

Sasuke: Coming... (opens door)

Me: HI HONEY X3

Sasuke: THUD! (faints)

Me: BWAHAHAHAHA!

**10) Make him read a Sasu x Naru rated M fanfic**

**E.G:** Me: (finds a Sasu x Naru rated M fanfic) HEY SASUKE...

Sasuke: ...what now?

Me: read this (points to screen)

Sasuke: (opens and reads) ARGH! MY EYES! MY LITTLE VIRGIN EYES!

**11) Tell him Orochimaru records him in the shower (...freaky...)**

**E.G:** Sasuke: (getting ready to take a shower)

Me: DON'T GO IN THERE!

Sasuke: ...why?

Me: Orochimaru films you...

Sasuke: ... (faints)

**12) Record him singing to 'Sk8r Boi' by Avril Lavigne**

**E.G:** Sasuke: (singing) HE WAS A SK8R BOI, SHE SAID CYA LATER BOI,

Me: ARGH! (covers ears and plots revenge) (takes out camera and films him singing into a brush) (sells it for 1,000 grand)

Sasuke: (whistling down the street) (people whisper about him and point fingers) (gets curious and finds a billoboard of himself singing) ARGH! (faints)

**13) Tell Lee he made out with Sakura**

**E.G:** Me: Lee...I have some very unyouthful news for you...

Lee: NO! WHAT IS IT!

Me: SASUKE MADE OUT WITH SAKURA!

Lee: I'LL YOUTHFULLY KILL THAT UNYOUTHFUL SCUM! (sets out to kill Sasuke)

Sasuke: (shreiks like a little girl and flees for his life)

**14) Buy him a green spandex and orange leg warmers after the incident**

**E.G:** Me: HI SASUKE (-insert little heart here-)

Sasuke: ...not you...

Me: I HAVE A PREZZIE X3

Sasuke: ...joy...

Me: (pulls out Lee uniform)

Sasuke: (shreiks like a girl and faints)

**15) Burn his teddy **

**E.G:** Sasuke: I LOVE YOU MR. TEDDY X3 (hugs his teddy)

Me: ...freaky...

Sasuke: (puts Mr. Teddy by his bed and goes to train)

Me: hmmmm... (plots evil)

Sasuke: (comes back to find Mr. Teddy burnt to a crisp) (shreiks like a girl and faints)

Me: where do all the men learn how to shreik like that?

**16) Invite Orochimaru over to the Uchiha mansion for tea and cookies**

**E.G: **Me: (on phone) HEY ORO! You wanna come over to the Uchiha mansion for tea and cookies?

Orochimaru: (over the phone) SURE X3 (goes to the Uchiha mansion and has tea and cookies)

Sasuke: (walks in) YIPE! (faints)

**17) Tell him Sakura has pictures of him naked in her room**

**E.G:** Sasuke: (is about to knock on Sakura's bedroom door)

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sasuke: ...?

Me: She has pictures of you naked on her walls...

Sasuke: (faints)

**18) Shave his head**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (gets out razor)

Sasuke: (is asleep)

Me: (smirks evilly and shaves his head)

Sasuke: (wakes up and looks in bathroom mirror) (faints)

Me: BE A MAN AND STOP FAINTING!

**19) Set his butt on fire**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (takes out a lighter and puts it to Sasuke's butt)

Sasuke: (sniffs the air) is something bur- ARGH! MY BUTT! (runs around in chibi circles with a burning butt)

**20) Squeeze him like a squeaky toy until he pops**

**E.G:** Me: SASUKE! (squeezes Sasuke like a squeaky toy)

Sasuke: O.o (pops)

**21) Steal Kakashi's Icha Icha book and put itSasuke's his pocket**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (steals Kakashi's book and puts in Sasuke's pocket

Kakashi: ARGH! WHERE...IS...MY...BOOK! (holds Me up by the collar)

Me: (points to Sasuke)

Kakahsi: ARGH! (chases Sasuke with the Chidori)

Me: YIPE! (bolts)

**22) Show him a picture of Itachi naked (Itachi fan girls drool)**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (sends Sasuke evil pictures)

Sasuke: (goes through mail and finds a letter other than bills) (opens it) ARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES! (screams echo through out Konoha)

Me: Ah...music to my ears...

**23) Force him to listen to Opera**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (gets out head set and starts playing opera)

Sasuke: (asleep on chair)

Me: (grins evilly and puts on the headset)

Sasuke: (wakes up) NO! (tries to take them off but they are glued to his face >:3)

**24) Make him watch Barney (the ULTIMATE sin)**

**E.G:**

**25) Make Naruto use SEXY NO JUTSU on him**

**E.G: **Sasuke: (flipping through channels)

Me: (pops in out of nowhere) HI!

Sasuke: ...

Me: GIMME THE CONTROLS! (snatches controls)

Sasuke: HEY!

Me: (flips to Barney)

Sasuke: NO!

Me: (grins evilly and breacks the controls)

Sasuke: NO! I AM BOUND TO WATCH BARNEY FOR ALL ETERNITY! ARGH!

**26) Unleash fan BOYS on him**

**E.G:** Me: (rallys fan BOYS)

Sasuke: (gulps)

Me: (grins evilly and unleashes fan BOYS on him)

Sasuke: (shreiks like a girl and runs away in a puff of smoke)

**27) Ask Neji to steal his remaining penguin undies**

**E.G:** Me: HI NEJI X3 (-insert heart here-)

Neji: ...(translation: HEY! X3 (-insert heart here)

Me: LETS BURN SASUKE'S PENGUIN UNDIES X3

Neji: ...(translation: YEY! X3)

Me and Neji: (burn Sasuke's undies)

Sasuke: NO! MR. UNDIES!

Me: ...you name your undies?

Sasuke: (nods sadly)

Me and Neji: ...(translation: ...)

**28) Tell Tenten he stalks her**

**E.G:** Me: TENTEN-CHAN! X3

Tenten: NoCareChakara-chan! X3

Me: I have bad news TT.TT

Tenten: what?

Me: Sasuke stalks you...

Tenten: ARGH! (chases Sasuke with fire in her eyes)

Sasuke: (runs for his puny little life whilst screaming like a girl)

**29) Make him wear a dress**

**E.G:** Me: SASUKE X3

Sasuke: ARGH!

Me: I HAVE A PREZZIE X3

Sasuke: Stay back...GET AWAY!

Me: (pulls out a dress and forces him to wear it)

Sasuke: (faints)

**30) Brush his duck butt hair (thankiez 'The Goddess of the Madhouse')**

**E.G:** Me: ...Sasuke...

Sasuke: LEAVE ME ALONE DAMN IT! 0.-

Me: NO! I SHALL NOW BRUSH THAT DUCK BUTT HAIR OF YOURS! (pulls out brush and begins brushing his hair)

Sasuke: NO! TT.TT

**31) Use a jutsu to make you big and step on him**

**E.G:** Me: BIGNESS NO JUTSU! (becomes very very big)

Sasuke: (gulps)

Me: (grins evilly and smushes Sasuke)

Sasuke: O.o (is squished)

**32) Sneak up behind him while he's watching Jaws**

**E.G:** Sasuke: (is watching the intense part of Jaws)

Me: (Jaws theme starts playing whilst sneaking behind Sasuke)

Sasuke: (still watching Jaws and the intense part where Jaws emerges is coming up)

Me: (grins evilly) (screams boo on cue) BOO!

Sasuke: YIPE! (faints)

**33) Bite his hand like a doggy and refuse to let go when he waves you about**

**E.G:** Me: GRrrrrrrrrrr

Sasuke: ...?

Me: (bites his hand like a doggy)

Sasuke: ARGH! GET OFF ME! (waves his hand around and NoCareChakara is flailed around chibily)

**34) Tell Kiba he kicked Akamaru**

**E.G:** Me: KIBA! TT.TT

Kiba: NoCareChakara! What's wrong?

Me: (sniffs) Sasuke...kicked...Akamaru...

Kiba: WHAT! (goes off to kill Sasuke)

Sasuke: ARGH! PLEASE, HAVE MERCY! (runs away)

**35) Ask Anko to eat all of his favorite cheese (wow, she must love cheese...)**

**E.G:** Me: HI ANKO!

Anko: HI!

Me: Hey, can you eat all of Sasuke's favorite cheese?

Anko: YEY! MORE FREE CHEESE! (goes to Uchiha mansion and eats all of Sasuke's favorite cheese)

Sasuke: NO! MY PRECIOUS CHEESE! TT.TT

**36) Make him give you a piggy back ride**

**E.G:** Me: (leaps on Sasuke's back and kicks him like a pony) GIDDIE UP!

Sasuke: ARGH! (runs around all chibi like)

**37) Show him his worst nightmare**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (buys a muffin costume and confronts Sasuke)

Sasuke: NO! MUFFINS HAVE GAINED THE INTELLEGENCE TO TALK! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!

**38) Make fluffy squirrels attack him**

**E.G:** Me: tee, he, he (finds squirrels and tells them of Sasuke's hate)

Chief Squirrel with funny chipmunk voice: NO! ALRIGHT MEN! LETS GET HIM! (squirrels charge at Sasuke)

Sasuke: ARGH! NOT THE FLUFFY TAILS OF DOOM!

**39) Unleash 1,000 fan girls on him**

**E.G: **Me: BWAHAHAHA! (is confronting Sasuke with 1,000 fan girls on a leash)

Sasuke: (gulps)

Me: SICK 'IM! (unleashes fan girls)

Sasuke: (screams like a girl and runs)

**40) All of the Above**

**E.G: **…

* * *

**Me: I hope you enjoyed more torture X3**

**Sasuke: ...must...kill...NoCare...Chakara...**

**Me: LIKE YOU COULD!**

**BTW: NoCareChakara Me**


	3. 40 Ways to Scare Sabaku no Gaara

**FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA**

**This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Sabaku no Gaara**

**1) Dye his hair pink**

**E.G:** Gaara: (acting cool while leaning on a tree)

Me: (from tree) tee, he, he (pulls out pink hair dye from nowhere) (starts dying Gaara's hair)

Random people: (look to Gaara and whisper)

Gaara: Hmm? (looks at reflection in random puddle of water) ARGH! I'M A PINK LLAMA!

**2) Poke his gourd (…? OH YEAH! Poke his gourd and you poke the demon; demons do not like to be poked…)**

**E.G:** Me: (looks at Gaara's gourd) Oooooo… (pokes his gourd)

Gaara: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Shukaku: ARGH! I HAVE BEEN POKED! I HATE POKES 0.- (attacks people)

Me: …

**3) Poke him (same reason as above)**

**E.G: **Me: (pokes Gaara for no reason)

Gaara: ARGH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Shukaku: I DON'T LIKE TO BE POKED DAMN IT! . (kills more people)

Me: …

**4) Tell him Yashamaru is hiding in his closet**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA-KUN X3

Gaara: …

Me: I LIKE YOU X3

Gaara: …what ever… (goes to closet)

Me: NO! DON'T OPEN THAT CLOSET (makes a dramatic face)

Gaara: …why?

Me: Yashamaru is in there.

Gaara: ARGH! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!

**5) Take him to and wait for the perverted error page to show up (I'm scarred for life TT.TT)**

**E.G: **Me: (goes to tee, he, he (calls Gaara) GAARA!

Gaara: …what…

Me: LOOKIE, LOOKIE! X3 (shows Gaara the website)

Gaara: …and?

Me: explore the site a little, I got to go, BUBI (bolts away)

Gaara: (surfs the site and perverted error page pops up) ARGH! MY EYES! MY ADORABLE PANDA EYES!

**6) Glomp him**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA-KUN X3 (glomps Gaara)

Gaara: ARGH! GET OFF ME WOMAN!

**7) Call him fluffy**

**E.G:** Me: AWWWWWWWWWW X3

Gaara: …?

Me: YOU'RE SO FLUFFY X3

Gaara: NO! I AM MEANT TO BE EVIL! NOT FLUFFY! I'M THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF FLUFFY! I MUST NOT BE FLUFFY! (shaves his head)

Me: OxO;;

**8) Kiss him (fan girls: WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!)**

**E.G:** Gaara: (trying to act cool since he's paranoid)

Me: HI!

Gaara: ARGH!

Me: AW X3 You're so cute when you're scared X3 (kisses Gaara on the cheek)

Gaara: ARGH!

Fan Girls: NOOOOOOOOOO!

**9) Squeal in his ear**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA-KUN X3

Gaara: Go away you idiotic pest…

Me: GASP! TT.TT (screams in his ear) YOU MEANIE .

Gaara: (goes deaf) x.X

**10) Give him wedgies (O.o)**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (sneaks up behind Gaara)

Gaara: (is very bored)

Me: WEDGIE TIME! (Gives Gaara a wedgie)

Gaara: O.o (is in too much pain from the wedgie X3)

**11) Hang him by his underwear from the tallest building in Suna**

**E.G:** Gaara: (still recovering from his wedgie) Oh… the pain…

Me: tee, he, he (grabs Gaara and hangs him by his undies from the tallest building in Suna)

Gaara: ARGH! PAIN!

**12) Make a scary face using a flashlight**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (gets flashlight ready)

Gaara: (paranoid)

Me: BOO! (makes a scary face with the flashlight)

Gaara: (shrieks like a little girl)

Me: …where have I seen this before?

**13) Soak his underwear in meat like in 'Cheaper by the Dozen'**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (goes into Gaara's laundry basket and pulls out Gaara's undies, how do I know they're his? I saw them when I gave him a wedgie X3) (Soaks them in meat)

Gaara: (is watching) NO! NOT SENOR UNDIES!

Me: …you name your underwear?

Gaara: (nods)

Me: …

**14) Unleash the Inuzuka clan on him afterwards**

**E.G: **Gaara: (walking down Konoha streets wearing meat soaked undies)

Me: (whispers to Kiba) PST! Bring the rest of the clan to –enter address here- road, I have a treat X3

Kiba: KAY X3 (does as he's told)

Gaara: (enters –address here- road and comes face to face with the Inuzuka clan)

Kiba: I smell…MEAT!

Rest of Clan: GET HIM! (Chases Gaara)

Gaara: O.o ARGH! (runs away)

**15) Make him smush a bug in front of Shino**

**E.G: **Me: (finds a cute little buggy) (places in before Shino and Gaara without them seeing)

Shino: Oooooo! A BUGGY X3

Gaara: ew… (smushes the buggy)

Shino: NO! GR! BUGGIES! GET HIM! (unleashes buggies on Gaara)

Gaara: O.o EEP! (runs away)

**16) Invite his demon over for tea and fairy cakes in a pink girly room**

**E.G:** Me: SHUKAKU X3

Shukaku: WEEEE! TEA AND FAIRY CAKES X3 (hops into NoCareChakara's fluffy pink room and sits on a pink chair and drinks tea in a pink cup and eats strawberry pink fairy cakes…)

Gaara: (eye twitches uncontrollably at the all too girly sight)

**17) Tell him Kimimaru is barney in disguise (When he is level two of Orochimaru's seal; he turns purple and looks like a dinosaur x.X)**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! IT'S KIMIMARU!

Kimimaru: (anime sweat drop)

Me: GASP! YOU'RE NOT KIMIMARU!

Kimimaru and Gaara: …?

Me: YOU'RE BARNEY!

Gaara: (shrieks) (runs away like a girl)

Kimimaru: …

**18) Squeeze him like a squeaky toy and wait until he pops X3**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA-KUN X3 (squeezes Gaara)

Gaara: O.o (pops)

**19) Suffocate him with a hug X3**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA X3 (hugs Gaara around the neck)

Gaara: x.X (is being suffocated)

**20) Tell him to go to sleep**

**E.G: **Me: GAARA! GO TO SLEEP!

Gaara: (somehow gets a chipmunk voice) NO! NO! I CAN NEVER DO THAT! IF I DID, SHUKAKU WILL GET OUT AND I WILL SLOWLY BE EATEN AWAY UNTIL I AM NO MORE! SO I CAN NOT DO THAT! YEAH!

Me: (also gets a chipmunk voice) Yeah well, NOW THERE ARE A LOT OF ME! (makes clones) AND THEY ARE ALL TELLING YOU 'TO GO TO SLEEP!' OH YEAH! THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!

(Go to this site for the real version… youtube, search 'Speed Talking, Naruto' or just 'Speed talking' and scroll down to where there's a piccy of Shikamaru shaking Pakkun off his leg

**21) Tear up his teddy bear**

**E.G: **Me: tee, he, he (nabs Mr. Teddy)

Gaara: NO! MR. TEDDY!

Me: (evil grin) (tears up teddy)

Gaara: (screams like a girl) (faints)

Me: …

**22) Hypnotize Temari and Kankuro to call him fluffy **

**E.G: **Me: (hypnotizes Temari and Kankuro) you are under my complete control…

Temari and Kankuro: YES MASTER…

Me: Now, go over to your panda eyes brother and call him fluffy…

T and K: YES MASTER… (do as their told)

(T and K find Gaara)

Gaara: …what do you want?

T and K: You are fluffy…

Gaara: HOLY CRAP!

**23) Laugh like a maniac**

**E.G: **Me: OMG! GAARA!

Gaara: …pest…

Me: NOT JUST A PEST!

Gaara: …?

Me: THE ULTIMATE PEST! BWAHAHAHAHAHA gag, cough, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Gaara: OxO

**24) Scream 'I LIKE PIE' in his ear**

**E.G: **Me: (creeps up behind Gaara)

Gaara: (currently freaked out)

Me: I LIKE PIE! (laughs manically)

Gaara: ARGH!

**25) Ask Anko to eat all his favorite cheese (WHAT IS WITH THIS WOMAN AND THE PROCECED GOODNESS KNOWN AS CHEESE?-!)**

**E.G:** Me: Anko-chan?

Anko: HI!

Me: …um, can you-

Anko: Eat someone's favorite cheese? (insert Anko's happy/crazed face here)

Me: (nods)

Anko: WHO!

Me: Sabaku no Gaara

Anko: OH! CHEESES OF SUNA! (Goes off to eat Gaara's favorite cheese)

Gaara: (finds Anko eating his favorite cheese) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (faints)

**26) Use whipped cream and cherries to make him look like a clown X3**

**E.G:** Me: (is loaded wiv whipped cream and cherries) tee, he, he.

Gaara: (paranoid)

Me: (pops out in front of him) HI X3

Gaara: stay back, BACK I TELL YOU!

Me: FEAR ME! (pulls out whipped cream and cherries)

Gaara: I SHALL NOT GIVE IN! (pulls out bottled cheese and crackers)

(insert western show down music here)

Me: DRAW! (shoots Gaara)

Gaara: (shoots NoCareChakara) (misses)

Me: (hits Gaara)

Gaara: (falls over dramatically while saying 'No!' in slow motion) (falls unconscious)

Me: (smirks in triumph) (works her magic)

Gaara: (wakes up) Urgh, my head… (pulls out make up mirror) (**A/N:** O.o) (sees face) ARGH! (faints again)

**27) Cover him in honey and throw him into a bee hive (O.o)**

**E.G:** Me: (buys honey while Gaara is still unconscious) tee, he, he (goes back and covers Gaara in honey)

Gaara: (still unconscious) (is covered in honey)

Me: (insert evil smirk here) (tosses Gaara into a bee hive)

Gaara: (wakes up to a buzzing sound) Urgh… my head… (tries to rub head but is very sticky) What the? (sees bees) ARGH! (runs out of the hive and is chased by bees)

Me: Ok Shino, pay up.

Shino: (rewards NoCareChakara)

**28) Put a rubber glove on his head and call him a chicken (…no comment…)**

**E.G:** Me: (finds a red rubber glover) Ooooooooooooooooooooo… (thinks evilly) (goes off to find Gaara)

Gaara: (is busy trying to act cool while leaning on a tree)

Me: tee, he, he (puts the glove on his head)

Gaara: WHAT THE FUCK?

Me: SABAKU NO CHICKEN!

**29) Unleash 100 fan girls on him :3**

**E.G:** Me: (finds 100 fan girls) (stands before Gaara with an evil look on her face)

Gaara: OxO (starts running)

Me: SICK 'EM GIRLS! (unleashes the fan girls on Gaara)

Gaara: (runs faster)

**30) Feed his teddy to crazed fan girls**

**E.G:** Me: (steals Gaara's teddy and feeds it to fan girls)

Gaara: (walking down the street) (finds fan girls with foam on their mouths) (sees Mr.Teddy's ripped face and shrieks like a girl)

Fan girls: OH MI GOSH! GAARA!

Gaara: (wakes up and runs for his life)

**31) Sell his undies to hopeless fan girls**

**E.G:** Me: (at auction) BUY THE SABAKU NO GAARA'S UNDIES RIGHT HERE! THAT'S RIGHT, THE SABAKU NO GAARA HIMSELF WORE THESE UNDERPANTS! (holds up undies)

Hopeless fan girls: GIMME!

Me: (after big auction, settles deal at 10 million) SOLD TO THE HOPELESS RICH BITCH!

Hopeless rich bitch: I HAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR GAARA!

Gaara: (sneezes) I feel a disturbance… IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAW!

**32) Auction off his teddy**

**E.G:** Me: (still at auction) BUY SABAKU NO GAARA'S TEDDY BEAR RIGHT HERE, IT MAY BE TORN, BUT AT LEAST GAARA TOUCHED IT!

Fan girls: MINE!

Me: (after another big auction settles deal at 10 grand) SOLD TO THE CRAZED FAN BOY!

Crazed fan boy: IT'S MINE! MINE! ALL MINE! 0.-

Gaara: …my teddy bear senses are tingling… (follows senses to find Mr. Teddy in the arms of a crazed fan boy) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fans: GET HIM!

Gaara: (cries while running away)

**33) Auction off his gourd**

**E.G:** Me: (STILL at auction) AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST OF OUR GAARA AUCTION, SABAKU NO GAARA'S GOURD! THE VERY GOURD HE WEARS 24/7!

Random person: then how did YOU get it?

Me: … DO I HERE 10 billion?

People: ME!

Me: (another load of auctions and sells the gourd for 100 billion)

Gaara: (somehow gets back) MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! (cries)

**34) Tell Shukaku to eat him X3**

**E.G:** Me: (whispers to Shukaku) PST! Shukaku, eat Gaara for me would ya?

Shukaku: …sure… (eats Gaara) (thinks for a second) (spits him out again) HE TASTES LIKE A CHICKEN'S BUTT! SHOWER DUDE! (returns to Gaara)

Gaara: NO! SHOWERS ARE EVIL!

Me: …

**35) Tell Naruto he plans to burn down Ichiraku ramen!**

**E.G:** Me: Naruto-kun?

Hinata: ONLY I CAN CALL HIM THAT 0.-

Me: O-O;; anyway, Naruto, did you know that Gaara plans to burn down Ichiraku ramen?

Naruto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (attacks Gaara)

Gaara: ARGH! (flees for his dear life)

**36) Stab his teddy (aren't I just peachy to Mr. Teddy X3)**

**E.G:** Me: (somehow gets Mr. Teddy back) (begins stabbing him for no reason)

Gaara: (sees it all) (faints)

**37) Use Sexy No JUTSU on him (…uh oh…)**

**E.G:** Me: GAARA-KUN X3

Gaara: NO!

Me: WATCH THIS! (does Sexy No Jutsu) (turns into a naked man)

Gaara: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! MY EYES! MY ADORABLE, SEXY, AWSUM, KAWAII, NEAT, PERFECT FABU-

Me: GET ON WIV IT!

Gaara: …Fabulous, EYES!

**38) Buy a Yashamaru costume and wear it to his house X3**

**E.G:** Me: (buys Yashamaru outfit) (goes to Gaara's house) (rings the door bell)

Kankuro: I'LL GET IT! (opens the door) ARGH! (faints)

Me: … that wasn't supposed to happen…

**39) Put on your angry face (YES! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY FEMANINE FACE OF DOOM! coughs gags anyway…)**

**E.G:** Me: Gaara-kun… (sympathetic voice)

Gaara: WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU WORTHLESS BITCH?-!

Me: (sniffles) Gaara-kun… I MARCH MY ASS OVER HERE TO TELL YOU I'M SORRY AND YOU CALL ME WORTHLESS!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-! (puts on angry face)

Gaara: (cowers) OxO

Me: (rants on Gaara)

Gaara: (wants his mummy)

**40) All of the Above**

**E.G: **…

* * *

OH NO! TYPOS! TToTT!

Sorry guys. In my last chapter, I missed out Sasuke's 'Use Sexy No JUTSU on him':

**Me: SASUKE X3**

**Sasuke: …damn…**

**Me: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! (does Sexy No Jutsu) (turns into a naked man…)**

**Sasuke: ARGH! MY EYES! MY STRAIGHT EYES!**

Well…that's sorta it. Sorry I forgot TT.TT I was in a hurry 'cause my documents thing started working again and I didn't have much time to get it all ready. So, nya, sorry.

**BTW: NoCareChakara Me**

**ICYWW (in case you were wondering): The perverted page is a picture of all the Naruto girls posing in…um…in their birthday suits… (Shudders) including Temari (poor Gaara TT.TT)**

**OMG! I FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER! NO!**

**Disclaimer for all chapters: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! SO DON'T THINK I DO! DON'T SUE! **


	4. 40 Ways to Scare Haruno Sakura

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! So don't think I do! DON'T SUE! 

Want you all to know: All characters are not used due to hate. I only use my favorite characters in this series to pick on. 

Want to know the order of this fanfiction? Well, it goes 'SENSEI', 'KONOHA SHINOBI', 'SUNA SHINOBI', 'KUNIOCHI', 'SHINOBI', and then back to 'SENSEI' 

**FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA **

**This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Haruno Sakura **

**1) Tell her that she has bubble gum stuck in her hair **

**E.G:** Me: SAKURA! HEY SAKURA!

Sakura: (is TRYING to spy on Sasuke) WHAT!

Me: Before you confront Sasuke and explain your deep, meaningful and SAPPY feelings for him, I just thought you would like to know that you have bubble gum stuck in your hair.

Sakura: WHAT! WHERE! (searches like crazy) (comes out of hiding)

Sasuke (who has recovered): Sakura, what are you doing?

Sakura: Uh… nothing Sasuke-kun ;;

Sasuke: Hn (turns around and leaves)

Me: (evil smile)

**2) Tell her she is stalked 24/7 by Lee- **

**E.G:** Me: Hi Sakura w

Sakura: What do you want! (mad about last time)

Me: SHEESH! I WAS TRYING TO HELP! I could've sworn it was there ya know!

Sakura: (crosses arms) yeah right…

Me: ANYWAY (getting mad) I just thought you should know, that since Tsunade-sama told him to pick you up one time for a mission, Lee's been stalking you.

Sakura: OxO Oh… My… God…

**3) Watch her run for her life everytime she sees Lee- **

**E.G:** Me: Hello Lee, do my eyes deceive me or is HARUNO SAKURA (emphasized) coming around the corner?

Lee: MY YOUTHFUL SAKURA! (says hi as he jumps out in front of her)

Sakura: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (runs away)

Lee: (starts crying) Sa-Sakura-san?

Me: Aw! POOR LEE! (plots Sakura's downfall)

**4) Replace all her clothes with jumpsuit green ones after- **

**E.G:** Me: (goes to the store to buy green dye) (gets a Gai green and dyes all Sakura's clothes)

Sakura: (coming out of shower) Ah… (relaxed sigh) (opens wardrobe) ARGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES?

**5) Point and laugh at her when you see her **

**E.G:** Sakura: (is forced to wear the green suit colored outfit around Konoha)

Me: (sees Sakura approaching) (points and laughs hysterically)

Lee: OH! MY BEAUTIFUL SAKURA! YOU HAVE ADOPTED THE COLOR OF YOUTH!

-insert number 3 again here-

**6) Turn her room green, jumpsuit green **

**E.G:** Me: (goes to store) (buys Gai green paint) (paints Sakura's room)

Sakura: (coming in from shopping for new clothes) ARGH! (screams her head off)

**7) Convince Gai to pose in a toothpaste add and force her to watch it **

**E.G:** Me: (still thinks Sakura was too harsh on Lee) Gai-sensei?

Gai: Yes youthful NoCareChakara?

Me: I was wondering, since your teeth are SO youthful and great, why don't you pose in a toothpaste add?

Gai: YOSH! SOMEONE REALIZES MY YOUTHFULNESS OTHER THAN MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! I SHALL SIGN UP!

Me: (evil smile)

Gai: (signs up) (does the add)

Me: (barges into Sakura's home) HIYA MRS. HARUNO! I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED SAKURA TO SEE!

Mrs. Haruno: Alright.

Me: (grabs Sakura and puts her in front of the TV)

Sakura: WHAT THE HELL?

Me: (turns on TV and makes her watch Gai add)

Sakura (and other voices around Konoha): OH MY GOD!

Lee (who is also watching): (cries youthful tears) YOU GO GAI-SENSEI!

**8) Tell Ino she is Sasuke's girlfriend **

**E.G:** Me: INO-CHAN!

Ino: Hi NoCareChakara! What's the sitch? You look sad.

Me: Sak-hic-ura… sniff… Sasu-hic-ke… sniff… GIRLFRIEND!

Ino: (gasp) FOREHEAD GIRL GOT SASUKE-KUN BEFORE ME?

Me: (nods)

Ino: ARGH! (screams in rage) (chases after Sakura)

Sakura: WHAT THE HELL, INO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

**9) Tell Tsunade she called her an old lady **

**E.G:** Me: TSUNADE-SAMA!

Tsunade: (spits out her sake at the dramatic entrance) WHAT?

Me: SAKURA CALLED YOU TSUNADE NO BAA-CHAN!

Tsunade: (gets VERY mad) She did, did she?

Me: (nods)

Tsunade: ARGH! (joins Ino in their Sakura hunt)

Sakura: ARGH! WHAT IS WITH YOU TWO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

**10) Give Jiraiya her address **

**E.G:** Jiraiya: (peeking at bath house)

Me: JIRAIYA-SAMA!

Jiraiya: ARGH!

Women in bath house: AIE! (beat Jiraiya to a pulp)

Me: Uh oh… gomenasai Jiraiya-sama…

Jiraiya: (grumbles) what is it…

Me: I have the address of a pretty Kuniochi… (waves address paper in her hands)

Jiraiya: GIMME!

**11) Tell her Naruto fantasizes about her daily- **

**E.G:** Me: SAKURA-CHAN!

Sakura: What is it? (doesn't know that it was her who caused the pain yesterday)

Me: I have REALLY bad news-

Sakura: Oh no, not more stalkers! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT LEE-KUN AND JIRAIYA-SAMA DO IT!

Crowd: (turn to Sakura)

Me and Sakura: OH GOD, GROSS! NOT THAT WAY YOU DISGUSTING… SICK… EW!

Crowd: (turn away embarrassed)

Me and Sakura: (shudder in disgust)

Me: Anyway, no, it's not Lee OR Jiraiya related-

Sakura: oh thank Kami…

Me: However…

Sakura: OO

Me: … Naruto fantasizes about you daily…

Sakura: OxO

**12) Watch her run away- **

**E.G:** Me: O.O

Sakura: (runs for her life)

Me: (once Sakura is out of hearing range) tee, he, he…

**13) Make sure she runs into a tree **

**E.G:** Me: (catches up to Sakura) WAIT!

Sakura: NO! I WANT TO GO HOME! (clenches eyes shut)

Me: DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! YOU'LL RUN IN TO-

Sakura: (too late…) (runs into a tree, head on)

Me: … something… (inside self: HELL YEAH!)

**14) When she wakes up in hospital, give her a Naruto plushie- **

**E.G:** Sakura: (head is throbbing) Ow…

Me: (told Tsunade that it was Naruto posing as Sakura who said it and Tsunade healed Sakura) How are you feeling?

Sakura: Shouldn't I be a pulp by now? Tsunade-sama almost killed me last time-

Me: I told her the story.

Sakura: what story?

Me: never mind, HERE! LOOK WHAT I GOT! (gives Sakura the plushie)

**15) Watch her have a heart attack- **

**E.G:** Sakura: (has a heart attack)

Me: OH MY GOD! SAKURA! (inside self: (points and laughs) HA!)

-insert ER like scene here (I learn a lot from that show :P)-

**16) When she wakes up, make sure Naruto is standing over her- **

**E.G:** Me: Ok, Naruto, she'll be REALLY happy that you're here.

Naruto: Thanks for letting me come, NoCareChakara-chan!

Sakura: (waking up) Ow…

Naruto: YOU'RE A WAKE SAKURA-CHAN!

**17) Watch her have her second heart attack- **

**E.G:** Sakura: ARGH! (has a heart attack)

Me and Naruto: HOLY CRAP! SAKURA!

Naruto: TSUNADE-SAMA!

-insert dramatic scene here-

**18) Then tell her Congratulations on having the first ever blonde and pink haired child- **

**E.G:** Me: (puts on a mid-wife outfit and prints out the edited picture)

Sakura: Ow… my head, chest, and overall EVERYTHING hurts…

Me: Congratulations Sakura-chan!

Sakura: Eh? NoCareChakara? Is that you?

Me: Yes, and it was a HONOR delivering your child-

Sakura: WHAT?

Me: They baby is going down in HISTORY, SAKURA-CHAN!

Sakura: WHAT THE HELL? I HAD A FAMOUS CHILD? I'M ONLY THIRTEEN!

Me:

Sakura: (mortified face)

Me: Here's a picture.

Sakura: Why is it famous anyway? (looks at the picture) (goes VERY wide eyed)

Me: BECAUSE SHE'S SHE FIRST EVER BLONDE AND PINK HAIRED CHILD!

**19) Watch her have her third heart attack **

**E.G:** Sakura: (has, yet again, another heart attack)

Me: TSUNADE-SAMA! SHE DID IT AGAIN!

**20) Kiss Sasuke in front of her- **

**E.G:** Sakura: (is out of hospital) Now, time to catch up on my Sasuke hunt-

Me: (is talking with Sasuke since we made peace) well, I gotta go visit Sakura-chan, bye! (kisses Sasuke on the cheek)

Sakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

**21) Watch Sakura foam at the mouth and faint (just like in the bell test) **

**E.G:** Me and Sasuke: O.O

Sakura: (foaming at the mouth, WIDE EYED) (faints)

Sasuke: O.o

Me: … Do you think she'll be mad?

Sasuke: (NODS)

**22) On her birthday, call a stripper- **

**E.G:** Sakura: (huddled in the corner) Everything is fine, you are still seeing sunshine. Not going insane, because I am not in vein… (chatting over and over again)

Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAKURA-CHAN!

Sakura: ARGH!

Me: WHOA! Don't do that! You might give yourself another heart attack!

Sakura: (shuts up)

Me: Anyway, LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU!

Stripper comes in the room…

**23) Make the stripper Lee- **

**E.G:** Sakura: OxO Oh… My… GOD!

Lee: Sakura-san, a very reliable source on the phone told me that it is youthful to perform this task…

**24) Tape Sakura's eyes open- **

**E.G:** Me: Forgive me Sakura-chan… this will be painful.

Sakura: EH?

Me: (tapes Sakura's eyes open)

Sakura: WHAT? WHY?

Me: Because I was paid four billion to do this :3

Sakura: … figures…

Me: TAKE IT AWAY LEE!

**25) Watch Sakura foam at the mouth and faint again **

**E.G: **Sakura: (foaming at the mouth)

Me: O.O (inside self: oh… god… who would've thought Lee was GOOD at this sorta thing?)

Sakura: (faints)

Me: Okay, you can stop now Lee-

Lee: BUT THE RELIABLE SOURCE SAID NOT TO STOP!

Me: OxO Oh Kami, what have I done?

**26) Ask Anko to eat all her cheese (can't leave this one out, can I?) **

**E.G:** Me: ANKO-CHAN!

Anko: Cheese for me? (Crazed face)

Me: YEP!

Anko: WHO?

Me: Haruno Sakura

Anko: ALRIGHT! (Eats all of Sakura's favorite cheese… OMG! IT'S RED CHEDDAR! YEY!)

Sakura: (comes into kitchen) OH MY GAWD! MY CHEDDIE WEDDIES! TToTT

Anko: (Mouthful of cheese) O-O?

**27) Tell Tenten Sakura is really a stick of bazooka bubble gum (I LOVE THAT STUFF!) **

**E.G:** Me: (dancing and singing with the music on her iPod) Oh yeah! Yo, my mums, she gave me a dollar-

Tenten: She told me to buy a collar-

Me: But I ain't buyin' no collar-

Tenten: Instead I bought some-

_Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! _

Me: My moms, gave me a quarter-

Tenten: She told me to tip the porter-

Me: But I didn't tip no porter-

Tenten: Instead I scored some-

_Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! _

Me: Yo, my moms, gave me a dime-

Tenten: She told me to buy a lime-

Me: But I ain't buyin' no lime-

Tenten: Instead I got some-

**  
**_Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! _

Me: My moms, gave me a nickel-

Tenten: She told me to buy a pickle-

Me: But I didn't buy no pickle-

Tenten: Instead I bought some-

_Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! _

Me: Hey Tenten, did you know that Sakura's hair is made of this stuff?

Tenten: WHAT? (runs off to eat Sakura's head)

Sakura: (screaming) AIE! TENTEN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! MY HEAD IS NOT BAZOOKA BUBBLEGUM DAMN IT!

**28) Tell Neji that her hair is really strawberry sour straws- **

**E.G:** Me: NEJI-KUN!

Neji: … (translation: OH MI GAWD! HI!) (looks to Tenten and Sakura) … (translation: why is Tenten-chan biting Sakura's head?)

Me: She is biting Sakura's head because her hair is made of strawberry sour straws.

Neji: … (translation: OMG! I LOVE THEM! GIMME! WEE!) (pounces on Sakura and bites her hair)

Sakura: AIE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO! IS GAI GIVING YOU CRACK?-!

**29) Give her sour straws after the incident to replace the last ones **

**E.G:** Me: (comes to Sakura's house) Hi Sakura, you feeling better?

Sakura: My head still hurts…

Me: … (inside self: Is the weight of your large forehead squashing your brain?)

Sakura: I still don't understand why Tenten and Neji attacked my head…

Me: Well, I came to give you something (changed the subject)

Sakura: What is it?

Me: (pulls out a pack of strawberry sour straws) Here you go!

Sakura: O-O (thinking: wasn't Neji referring to my hair as 'Sour num-nums?')

Me: Neji told me to give them to you to replace the old ones.

Sakura: (looks to her head… her hair is cut unevenly because Neji and Tenten bit the ends XD) GIMME!

**30) Invite Neji, Lee, Ino, Tenten, Tsunade and Naruto to her birthday- **

**E.G:** Me: HIYA SAKURA-CHAN!

Sakura: Hello NoCareChakara.

Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Sakura: Oh, thank you!

Me: Look at all the people who came to your party! (takes Sakura into the living room)

Sakura: O-O

Neji, Lee, Ino, Tenten, Tsunade, and Naruto: Hi Sakura

Sakura: OxO (thinking: oh Kami…)

**31) Take her cake and put picture of a baby with blonde and pink hair on it- **

**E.G:** Me: TIME FOR CAKE!

All: YEY CAKE!

Sakura: (thinking: I'm getting a little suspicious of NoCareChakara… why else do these things happen when she's around?)

Me: ALRIGHT SAKURA! (brings out cake… it has a picture of a blonde and pink haired kid on it…)

Sakura: O.O

Lee: What an adorable kid!

Ino and Tenten: KAWAII!

Neji: … (translation: AW!)

Tsunade: (…is it just me or does that look a little like a Naruto and Sakura mix?)

Naruto: THAT'S ADORABLE!

Sakura: O.O;;

**32) Watch her faint into her cake **

**E.G:** Sakura: (faints…into her cake)

All: O.O

Me: I think she's still dizzy from the sour straw and bubblegum incident…

**33) Make Sasuke and Kakashi do the chicken dance in front of her- **

**E.G:** Me: I know what will cheer you up Sakura!

Sakura: (has woken up) What? (thinking: I'm SURE she has something to do with it!)

Me: Why don't I invite Kakashi and Sasuke to the party?

Sakura: SASUKE-KUN! SURE!

Me: Alright! (calls Kakashi and Sasuke)

Kakashi: Hello NoCareChakara, Sakura. (is still shaking as hell at NoCareChakara) Happy birthday Sakura.

Sasuke: (recovered a few weeks ago) Hello NoCareChakara.

Sakura: HIYA SASUKE-KUN (goes starry eyed)

Me: -.-U OH! Guy's, do remember 'THE TIME'?

Kakashi and Sasuke: (burst out laughing)

Sakura: O.o

Me: THAT WAS THE BEST!

Sakura: What was?

Me: SHOW 'ER GUYS!

Kakashi and Sasuke: (do the chicken dance)

Sakura: OxO;; (thinking: so… WRONG!)

**34) Watch Sakura rock back and forth in the corner of her room while muttering 'find a happy place' **

**E.G:** All: O-O is Sakura ok?

Me: (shrugs)

Sakura: (rocking back and forth in a corner) find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place…

**35) Whisper 'BOO' in her ears in a creepy voice when she watches 'The Grudge' movie you lent her last week- **

**E.G:** Me: (two weeks later) Hey Sakura!

Sakura: (glare) (thinking: IT IS HER!) Hi… (fake sweet voice)

Me: Hey, you know that movie you wanted to borrow from me a month ago?

Sakura: You mean 'The Grudge'?

Me: YEP! Here, I just got it back from Iruka. Here (gives Sakura the movie)

Sakura: Gee, thanks!

Me: Enjoy! I have to help Ayame at the Ichiraku ramen stand. JA NE! (leaves)

-ONE WEEK LATER-

Me: (sneaks into Sakura's room at night)

Sakura: (watching intense part of the movie) (munching on popcorn)

Me: (evil smirk)

Sakura: OxO (scared of the movie)

Movie: (REALLY INTENSE PART!)

Me: (whispers) …boo…

Sakura: ARGH! AIE! AIYA! AI! ARGH! AIIIIIIIIIIIE!

**36) Watch her have her fourth heart attack **

**E.G:** Sakura: (has another heart attack)

Me: (calls Tsunade-sama) TSUNADE-SAMA! SAKURA'S HAVING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK!

Tsunade: (over phone) WHAT HAPPENED?-!

Me: She was watching the grudge when she got freaked out at the really intense part!

Tsunade: bring her in

**37) Bite her hand like a dog **

**E.G:** Sakura: (wakes up in hospital) Ow… again…

Kiba: Are you alright Sakura?

Sakura: Kiba? I half expected NoCareChakara to greet me.

Kiba: (looks sad)

Sakura?

Kiba: Sakura… NoCareChakara fell off a tree and doesn't remember who she is (lying, DUH!)

Sakura: That's horrible!

Kiba: I know… on top all that, she thinks she's a-

Me: BARK! (bites Sakura's hand)

Sakura: AIE! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

**38) Dye her hair red and take her to the petting zoo, make sure you stay around the 'BOVINE' exhibit- **

**E.G:** Me: Thanks for helping me in my time of need Sakura.

Sakura: Sure thing (thinking: I guess I was wrong about accusing her)

Me: Hey, I got an idea!

Sakura: what?

Me: Let's dye your hair red to avoid all bubblegum and sour straw incidents in the future! Who knows when those two will snap again!

Sakura: True. Alright, dye away.

Me: (dies Sakura's hair)

-NEXT DAY-

Me: HI SAKURA!

Sakura: Hi NoCareChakara

Me: Let's go to the petting zoo! They just got a LAMEL! A BABY LAMEL!

Sakura: NO WAY! LET'S GO!

Both: (go to the zoo)

Me: I think they put it in the bovine section… just for today.

Sakura: uh oh… (thinking: where there's bovines… there's bulls… GULP)

**39) Film her being chased by a big scary bull **

**E.G:** Me: I'm going to film it!

Sakura: (jittery) g-g-g-g-go-goo-good for you…

Me: THERE IT IS!

Sakura: Where?

Me: (gets camera ready)

Bull: (snorts) (charges at Sakura)

Me: WHAT THE HELL! THAT'S NOT A LAMEL!

Sakura: NO DUH!

Both: (run away)

Bull: (chases us)

Me: LET'S SPLIT UP! IT'S BOUND TO GET CONFUSED AND START TAKING OPTIONS! IT'LL GIVE US TIME!

Sakura: ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!

Both: (split up)

Bull: (chases Sakura without hesitation)

Sakura: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

Me: (makes a clone) (gives clone the real camera)

Clone: (goes up in a tree and films everything)

Me: RUN SAKURA RUN! IT'LL WEAR OUT BEFORE YOU DO! (inside self: Lee's debt has been paid…) (inside self: evil laugh)

**40) All of the above **

**E.G:** …

* * *

**Sakura: (fuming angrily yet cowering in fear)**** YOU! EVIL! WOMAN! **

**Kakashi/Sasuke/Gaara: We know. **

**Me: X3 evil face of innocence **


End file.
